Typical Monday Jazz

It just so happens to be a Monday night. Some consider it a Tuesday morning but who are they anyway. To me it is Monday and that is just the way it is going to be. Tonight was one of the most relaxing nights I have had in a very long time. There was bouldering at the school's rock gym and hot damn, it was pretty fun. By the way, if I appear eccentric, it is probably because I am. I am only 21 years old and who gives a fuck if my mind wanders. It is set on the things that matter and so I feel comfortable letting my mind wander on the existential and silly things in life. This is my first post here and I feel comforted that I can post these ideas under the guise of anonymity. You [the reader] can't judge me for who I am or what I do and that is nice. Welcome to my deepest, darkest [possibly disturbing at times] thoughts. Throughout this blogging experience you will experience digressions like none other. You will read of my inner joys as well as my inner angst. Welcome, my friends, to my world and my thoughts of the week.

It was a late evening on February the 6th, and late is what I love best. A night owl I am. Tonight was a night that I'm not sure that I have an equivalent experience to relate it to. I drank a Pinot Noir from the Willamette Valley that was rather delectable. If you didn't read that in a rich snobby upscale voice I suggest you go back and do so. Might make you smile. It made me. Smile that is. Starving college student drinking wine far out of his league. Oxymoron would be an adequate description. See? Digression. Maybe as my thoughts coalesce these posts will become more of a one way street but right now I will settle for a downtown  Vietnam street at rush hour. The wine was accompanied by some stellar company. One of my roommates who indulges in the art/social/thought provoking pastime of smoking Hookah. Unadulterated shisha is most often what is used. To open a mind you do not need mind altering substances. Now don't get me wrong. I do enjoy certain substances that make you think a little bit "outside the bun" but constant use of these substances makes you lose touch of reality which is too God damned nice to take for granted. You know you are in the company of friends when you can say what is on your mind. You need the comfort of listening ears; something far too rare in my generation. At least ears that are truly listening. Not ears that will convert incoming sound waves into ambiguous blithering bullshit of agreement lacking substance and critical thinking of the statement made. Queue Facebook anyone?

A little hard on today's youth. Yes. But true. Oh well. I have to figure out my own future before I can worry about the fuck ups of tomorrow. Maybe some day I can have a little shit headed fuck up of my own but the Lord knows I am not ready for that sort of shenanigans.

At this point I have said 'God' and 'Lord' in this short piece of writing. I need to let you know that I am not a particularly religious person. I feel that believing in religion MAKES you be good so you can live in the afterlife in the clouds with more do-gooders. <---( Made that shit up... Nah just kidding.) My problem with religion is that it seems like people are more worried about being punished and fearing penitence rather than BEING GOOD FOR THE SAKE OF BEING GOOD. Do not pass judgement, Do not pass go, Do not collect your 72 virgins. Not for me. Burn in Hell for all eternity for eating bacon? No thanks. I think you catch my drift. And if you find my opinions about religion offensive and you think you can turn me onto the path of HOLY RIGHTEOUSNESS then I respectfully ask that you discontinue reading and fuck off. Do not ask me to be part of your youth group, it isn't for me. Sorry.

I am writing all of this without editing (save for the occasional spelling error) so what I have said has come from a stream of consciousness that cannot be undone. I do not aim to offend but sometimes there is collateral damage. Casualties of war; you know how it goes. Speaking of war. Holy shit. Let's allocate some of that defense budget to within our borders shall we? Anywho. I could go on Fa Day's (ha) on that subject.

So 2011. I have been alive for 21 1/2 years and am now realizing the extent and enormousness of the world. Things that I thought were a big deal aren't so big anymore. In 3 more decades will anyone ever remember or care that I was Prom King? (My subtle way of bragging. Too subtle or too obvious?) That I was captain of my soccer team and that year we made it to the state tournament? (once again some bragging, but now you are privy to my douche-baggery, so now it seems obvious) To sum up those questions, most probably not. And ya know what? I am glad. Those are not the things I want to be remembered for. If I am able to change one life, just one, for the better and change their belief in their own self worth then THAT is what I want to be remembered for. Since I haven't made a New Year's resolution for '11, then hot damn, I think we found it. And if it comes from something terrible but it changes them for the better then so be it. You cannot lash out at what makes you a better individual.

At this point in time I feel like I should divulge something about my past. I was arrested when I was 18 for something so STUPID that I sometimes hate myself for it. And I loathed the very earth that police officer walked on from that day forth. But this experience changed my life. For the better. I am now a much more conscientious person. I think of how someone would feel if I went through the same experience. I try to analyze my decisions and be a better person for the sake of it, not for an extrinsic reward, not to get a gold star, but just for the sake of wanting that individual's comfort sustained throughout our interaction. So they can think "Hey, he was a lot different than I thought he was going to be." And if 'different' is bad in their eyes, then may I never give them the opportunity of my presence again.

The problem right now is that it is 2:15 A.M. and I have class at 10... But in no way do I feel like I am done writing. Although, honestly, I don't think that will be possible. This blog will go on for a long time and me laying on my death bed before I will ever feel like typing "Fin." My stream of consciousness is unceasing which is amazing and terrifying at the same time. Oh well. Gotta deal with it 'Like a Boss.'
[Sidenote: These posts are going to be laced with things that I think are hilarious. Song lyrics, comedian references, you name it, it will probably show up here eventually.] You see, referring back to the being arrested section, I loathed that man who read me my Miranda rights and put the restricting metal bands around my wrists and sat me down in the back of his black and white. At that moment while I was sitting on the hard plastic shell of a seat that had housed far more violent and terrible people than me, I knew I couldn't continue down this path. I knew I had to make a change stop trying to fuck my own life up. I knew what I needed to do in my life. And now nearing the end of my Junior year in college, just around the bend from 'real-life' I know what I want to do. What my mission is. And that is a comforting thought.

I will probably regret posting this without reading it first but although I know I am new at this I firmly believe that this sort of uninterrupted stream of thoughts and ideas is as pure as they come. There is no chance for over analyzing. No chance for regret. As my boy Phil Knight would say: Just Do It. GO DUCKS!! (thought I would throw that in there) Because I was so busy being the good host and introducing myself I forgot what truly made me start this blog. Girls. The saying was never more true: Can't live with them, can't live without them. Like a typical male in the prime of his life, the thought of girls is never far from the surface. The anatomy is so perfect yet so perfectly flawed. The power of attraction can tear someone apart inside. Oh the apple of my eye. If only I was yours.